The Non Jumping Bean

It worked!

The mess of beans on my table, the duck tape, it was all worth it. My kids in the office had a great experience with the weighted lap blanket I made. Most children who cannot sit still and are constantly moving sat still for a longer period of time with the blanket. I had a 7 year old who even wanted to take it home with him.

Unfortunately the child I really had in mind when I was making it, it did not work so well for. He liked it for a few minutes then took it off. But maybe slow steps.

Overall, I am happy with my home creation, and so are my little office kiddos. Now if I just had the patience to make a large blanket for our house.

Beans and a Blanket

I have been searching the Internet for weighted blankets and weighted lap blankets for not only our house but for my office. Wow, are they expensive! Well, I got on my "I want it now" kick, not wait a week or two, so I became a little creative and started constructing my own weighted lap blanket.

I ran to Walmart and got a 6 pound bag of beans, and some fancy duck tape, because no project is complete without a little duck tape. Then I took a pillow case and cut two sides and evenly placed the beans in sacks.

Beans were all over, I had a little extra help from my little "crafty girl" as she calls herself.

When all was evenly dispersed and taped up so beautifully, my husband gave it a try...
and he liked it, in fact the whole family liked it.

I tried it out on a boy in my office who has a difficult time sitting still, he will go from one spot to the next the whole session, but was able to sit still with this lap blanket on. The pressure seems to really ground them.

The pressure also works great for tantrums, those that totally like to cover themselves up with blankets or stuffed animals, places where sitting is a must (church, homework etc) and can help with winding down at bed time.

My self constructed lap blanket will get some more use today in my office. So excited to see how well it works particularly with one little boy.

Merry Christmas To All

What is Christmas Eve without one of our little asthmatics needing a breathing treatment. Right in the middle of opening presents (yes, we open presents on Christmas Eve then Santa comes in the morning) she starts clearing her throat and coughing in true asthmatic style. Her cheeks even turned bright red which was strange.

My mom blamed it on playing in the rain 3 days ago. I swear when it comes to her grandchildren all her practical nurse skills go down the tubes.

Hopefully we will stay out of the Nightime Pediatric children's urgent care tonight.

ADHD Lead to Good Thing

Carson had a violin solo and did fabulous. He was well prepared and excited to play for everyone. He managed to play his two songs mistake free even though his focus and attention seemed to wander, as he looked around all the audiences smiling faces.

After everyone performed, all the violin soloists came back up to take a final bow together. Surprise, surprise, Carson was not really paying attention and was supposed to be taking the final bow with the rest of the group. But it's distractions like this just might lead to a good thing......

Like a beautiful picture like this......

Not So Good

So this whole "just breathe" things really did not work. I gave it a valiant effort and tried it for a few days.

But I just totally came unglued when a doctor was more worried and upset that I had inverted two letters in his name, while I was trying to explain to him a number of mental health concerns I had for a young boy whose mother was at her wits end.

Let me see, an unintentional mis- spelling, or the welfare of a young child, hmmmm. There should be no question, and there is no question in my mind. Priorities I guess.

If only the world could think more like me this whole "just breathe" thing might actually work (so narcissistic of me I know, I just can't help it today. Don't mess with kids).

Breath

Just breathe..........

That is what I plan on doing today.

I will just breathe (and maybe say a prayer) before I wake up Adeline to get dressed for school, our daily battle and meltdown time.

I will just breathe at the drive thru Starbucks line that I cannot believe I wait in almost every morning.

I will just really deep breathe before I enter my moms house to pick up all the holiday crafts that she and the children have completed as holiday gifts for teachers.

I will just breathe as I make a return to Target and head to Walmart so I can get a better deal.

I will just breathe when Adeline comes home from school and wants to pull out every craft project in the world and is a whirlwind of activity.

I will just breathe while I attempt to put laundry away, get dishes done and whatever other household tasks have been neglected over the past few days.

I will just breathe at the run down skating rink tonight, where my kids have a blast and we all come out to support my sons school.

I will just breathe before I start my work week. I seem to be having a stint at work where everyone is remembering their appointments, and needs more time then I feel I can give them. I remember the rash of "no show" clients just a few months ago, and now it is totally opposite. I knew that would happen when my company changed my contract.

Finally tonight I will just breathe in bed, taking deep breaths of "good" in and blowing out the "bad" like another late night run to the children's urgent care for little Mr. Asthmatic.

Heres to breathing!

Non Neurotypical

So it seems to me that a neurotypical person can sit down and address all their holiday cards in one sitting, and take them out to their mail box. Process complete. For me, Ms. Non Neurotypical it is a process and adventure to get holiday cards in the mail. I started this project last week and it is still not complete. I addressed as many as I had addresses for on my iphone, spent some time looking in a number of places where I could possible have more addresses (because every year I swear I am going to make one central list). I also spent some time with three family members on the phone, who yet again have to provide me with some addresses. I have them all addressed and they are in the car, and have been sitting there for two days waiting for me to stop and buy stamps. Buying stamps should not be that big of a deal, but I am sure I am not alone in my holiday card adventure. So if you are a recipient of my card, just pretend that it says "Happy New Year" instead of "Happy Holidays."

Mental Health

It is such a good thing that mental health just fascinates me. First off since it is my job, secondly, because it helps me understand my family better. My family is the "poster family" for mental health issues. Our family has parents who have their dysfunctions, myself, my sister, my husband and his brother, my 7 year old, and the 4 year old daughter is probably not far behind.

Since going back to work almost a year ago, my knowledge base has vastly improved, and my diagnosis skills have sharpened. I read endlessly on a number of mental dysfunctions. I cannot remember the last fiction book I have read, but have kept Amazon and Barnes and Noble in business with all of my mental health book purchases. It would be interesting for anyone at those bookstores to see the last years purchased books, everything from ADHD, to bipolar, to Asperger's.

Of which Asperger's is one of my new favorites. I have seen a extraordinarily high number of Asperger's kids in my office. Their diagnosis has been missed by pediatricians and even psychiatrists. I know there is no medication that will fix Asperger's but it is important to accurately diagnosis it so parents can understand their child better and employ different parenting techniques.

I digressed there on the Asperger's topic, but understanding mental dysfunction has given me a new perspective, and I have great appreciation for families who constantly cope and live with mental illness in their family. Some days it is absolutely exhausting and it takes every last bit of energy out of me. At other times it is exciting because my son tells me he is making less mistakes at school and not daydreaming as much with his new medicine. I have learned to cope better with my 4 year olds meltdowns, and my mom's meltdowns. Well, they are not really meltdowns, it is more like a tornado that stirs everything up by the root, spins it around, and then leaves others to assess and pick up the damage.

I can pick up on my husbands mood, my sister's stresses and my father's anxiety that has lead to hoarding. My belief is we all have a little bit of mental dysfunctions, for some people it does not impeded their every day living. For others, it is more of a challenge, support and encouragement are vital. Some days too, I am thankful for pharmaceuticals. As my sister says, "better living through chemistry."

My Sister the Felon

My sister (with my kiddos), the face of a felon?

Well, almost but not really. It is kind of comically now, but at the time, my sister did not think that potentially having a warrant out for her arrest was that funny.

It all happened a few weeks ago when my sister was in a very minor fender bender. She was at a stop, her foot slipped off the break and she tapped the car in front of her. No damage to the cars or people. They exchanged insurance information and went on their way.

A week later my sister received a call from a police deputy handling the accident as the other lady made a report days later. He left a phone number on her voice mail to call him back regarding the accident. My sister called that number on different occasions and was left to hear the ring of the phone with no accompanying voice mail message.

This week that same officer called her back and said it was imperative she call him back or he would place a warrant out for her arrest. She called back of course and was transferred to numerous people and departments till she finally got a hold of the officer; and he could really care less he had an issue with his voice mail.

As my sister called me totally panicked about her potential warrant, I explained that it was probably just more of a "scare tactic" way that the police choose to communicate. We talked for a bit and calmed her worry. Maybe 10 years from now she will think this event is more humorous then she did a few days ago.

Haven't I Learned?

Why is it that I know I should not, but still do?

I was out at Target trying to find Carson a nice sweater or sweater vest to wear for his violin recital on Monday, and made the mistake of calling my mom. Why oh why do I do that? I think in my gut I decided I should get it over with, have her throw her little fit tonight about the fact that Carson is not wearing a shirt and tie, instead of on the way to the violin recital.

My mom and I went back and forth about why I do this every year and wait till the last minute blah, blah, blah. I explained the whole dress pant situation and the fact I was not buying new pants for one recital. After the whole pant and sweater issue was talked to death, she stated that in the future I might want to buy Carson one less toy and invest in a nice suit for him. Then continues on to say that "the other family with 3 boys who all play the violin have silk shirts, ties and dress pants and I would hate Carson to feel that he was dressed differently then the other kids." Well, if I was a specialty doctor, and so was my husband and could afford a live in nanny to take my kids everywhere and attend to all of my families needs, I could buy the silk suits for a once a year occasion. But, I am not, so I am just grateful at times for what Target and Walmart have. And really, you think a 7 year old is going to complain about not having to wear a tie and suit? I don't think so.

Hmmm.

I love when parents bring their child into a therapist and really do not want to hear a potential diagnosis or say they know the diagnosis, and all these different parenting tactics have not worked, yet do not give a thought to trying a new approach.

Diagnosis of a child's mental health is extremely sensitive and needs to be approached very delicately. No one really wants anything to be wrong with their child. But, if you are taking your child to a psychiatrist and a therapist and they are only 5 years old, maybe the psychiatrist and therapist might have helpful information they can share. Why make the effort to bring them if you do not want the advise or help?

O.K. Rant done. It was a long two days. One more to go.

The Day

Today has been a day full of trying to locate, find and put things away.

It all started out with a phone call last night from the library asking me if I had the 3 audio book CD's that were not in the case when I returned them to the library. Who does this? Not only who does this, but who does it twice? Yes, that is right, it is the second time that I have forgotten to put a few of the audio CD's back in the case. I am surprised that the library has not confiscated my card.

It seemed like forever today to put away loads of laundry. It was as if the clothes moved from one basket or appliance to another, then to one pile or another before it was actually put away in everyone drawers. The bonus though, was I found Carson's black shirt he needs for this weekend's violin concert.

I spent way to much time trying to find a box tonight that had all of my rings in it. I took my rings off for our trip so I would not have to worry about them sliding off my fingers in Disneyland (when its cold my rings are constantly slipping off). So, I placed my rings in the box, then decided to move the box to a more "safe" location. 5 days later, I realized my rings are not on and went on the hunt to find "the box." It was so frustrating, I knew I had put the rings in the box, and I clearly remember moving the box to a "safer" location, but for the life off me I could not find the box. In the end, I had moved paper from one of my many piles to another only to put a pile of papers on top of the box. In the end, after a few deep breaths, the rings were located and placed on their rightful fingers.

Then because I seem to have issues prioritizing, organizing and keeping track of dates, it occurred to me that on the first of December we need to have Carson's teachers gift to her since it is an advent type gift for her dog. So off to Walmart Market we run, since we did not have the glitter or glue we needed, only to find out that they do not have glue, then to another store where we located glitter glue, and on the way home realized I forgot a gift sack.

Some days it seems that life should not have to be so hard or difficult, but tomorrow is a new day and maybe my neurotransmitters will send better signals tomorrow.

So, now I am exhausted of looking and trying to locate things, so I think I am going to read my fabulous women with ADD book.

Family Day

I thought Thanksgiving was a family day where everyone sat around the table eating turkey and watching football. Apparently I was wrong. They were all at Disneyland joining us for Thanksgiving.

I was amazed at all the people there. Lines for rides were long, some up to 60 minutes, restroom lines were long and food lines were crowded. People were bumping into each other on every turn, and people were like vultures finding a piece of sidewalk to sit on for the parade.

It was an expensive way to ignore the Thanksgiving holiday, but in the end we all had a good time.

We're off to see the Mickey

In 5 hours I will have the car packed, dog to the "doggie hotel," oil change in the car, and will round up my kids, husband, Aunt Di and Nana and we will be off to the "happiest place on earth" for Thanksgiving.

For the last 34 years, all I ever remember is the stress of Thanksgiving. It began with cooking the traditional "Thanksgiving meal"for a small family of 4, cleaning the house till it was spotless (although we never had company join us) . The stress fluctuated on however, and whatever, my moms shifting mood decided to focus on.

As an adult, I thought I would alleviate stress by having Thanksgiving at my house and that did not work, stress galore. Then I decided to have Thanksgiving not only at my house, but order pre prepared Thanksgiving meals from the local grocery store, well stress came in the boxed meal I guess.

So, we shall do the very mentally unhealthy response to this and just deny and ignore the holidays existence so I don't have to deal with it and head to Disneyland.

We're off!!

Thank You Concerta

I have realized for some time now that my attention and distractability have been steadily increasing and it has concerned me. I decided to research more about adult ADHD instead of child focused ADHD. I found a fantastic resource and checklist that posed the symptoms specific and adult tailored. Here are a few of my ADHD highlights:

• frequently misplaces things (where are my keys, where is my phone?)
• difficulty learning new tasks because it is hard to stay on track during directions
• restlessness (evident to my nail biting and picking)
• internal sense of anxiety and nervousness
• low frustration tolerance, impatient
• chronically in a hurry (get up at 5:45 in the morning, and yet it is a rush to leave to school the last 5 minutes before we need to leave)
• often have piles of stuff
• poor financial management, late bills (every stinkin month!)
• chronic procrastination and poor follow through (laundry!!!!!!)
• difficulty waking up in the morning
• periods of low energy and frequently feeling tired (always, and constant)

Even after seeing all of these symptoms/characteristics, I did not do anything until it hit the point that I could not sit to finish a client note at work without getting up, and actually not finishing a note all together. Yet still I did not make the call until I missed a school project due date for my son. At that point it was effecting my sons education.

Needless to say I made the appointment, saw the doctor and after some discussion decided to try the stimulant Concerta. Wow!! I have energy, I have focus, I have follow through, I can complete on task before moving on to the next, oh and did I mention energy!!

On my first day back to work on the Concerta it was wonderful. My desk was a complete disaster and nightmare (see picture below), but I was able to prioritize and organize while staying completely seated and not having to get up in the middle of writing notes and organizing my charts.

Thank You Concerta.

A Letter

Dear Carson-

I know school is not your favorite activity right now. You find it hard to focus and concentrate, do not like homework and say you are often confused. This we are all working on together, you, me, your teachers and doctor. I have empathy for you and your struggles and I often felt the way you did during school, except that I was not nearly as intelligent as you are.

I know the Wild West is not that exciting of a subject to spend a month learning about (especially since you are easily bored and it is not a subject you choose to learn about), but, when you wake me up in the middle of the night to tell me you do not want to create the game we came up with together for your school project, I just have to tell you to go back to bed. Sorry it is causing you anxiety, fret and distress, but 2 in the morning is not my best time little man.

It is best to leave that discussion for tomorrow morning.

It Starts Today

Carson and I (mostly me) had a great experience yesterday. We actually met with a pediatrician who sat down in our room and took an active interest in why we had come to her, and took an in depth family history! I could not believe it. I have never seen a pediatrician take so much time with a family. It seems like the doctors we have seen always had their hand on the door the minute they walked in. It was so refreshing to be treated with respect and dignity in a health care setting and not feel pushed through like a cattle call.

Well all discussed and agreed that Carson has enough clinical symptoms of attention deficit that we are trying him on low dose of stimulants to try and help his neurotransmitters function at an optimal level. I am leery about giving it to him and sending him to school, but I don't want to put it off either, waiting for the "perfect" time to start.

Here is hoping he has a good day and can say good bye to dream land and focus at school today.

The A's

The A's are attacking our house.

They happen to be Attention Deficit Disorder, Anxiety and Asthma.

Asthma. Has been worse, has been better. At least Carson is not on an oral steroid due to an earlier flare up, but he has to have his lung functioning assessed again in two months to see if the preventative inhalers have helped to repair damaged lung tissue. We had a late night visit to the urgent care when he started wheezing one night. He had been symptom free for over six months. Welcome back fall allergies and the cold weather. Wish Carson's asthma did not come with you.

(Carson having a treatment in the car on the way to school).

Anxiety runs rampant in our family. My grandma, dad, sister, mother and probably my mother in law are all affected by anxiety. Adeline is a daily nail picker and is worse in new situations and I am always trying to create new ways to help alleviate the nail picking. I thought this nail picking was just a bad habit, but after careful observation I believe it is related to anxiety. It certainly doesn't help when the poor kid sees her, at times, anxious aunt and mother picking at their nails during times of stress. Adeline has become a great reminder that we should all find something to hold in our hands so we don't pick our nails.

(case in point, picking her nails at her preschool Halloween party).

Attention Deficit Disorder. Carson is showing some major signs of ADD and will be seeing the doctor on Monday. Because my husband is ADD I knew genetically it would be a high probability that at least one child would have ADD or ADHD. Then I was really paying attention to my attention and started to notice how distracted I got driving, wandering thoughts, starting one activity and moving to the next without finishing anything, and impulse buying (never anything big, but those little things sure add up). Anyway, I found an adult ADD symptom checklist, and lets just say, since I have lost the checklist 4 times, my probability is pretty high that I have many inattentive boxes checked.

I feel bad that our family is full of neurotransmitters that are not doing their job properly. I feel for my children as this will be a constant battle all their life like it has been for our family. But I do remind myself that I believe my children came to the right house. As a child therapist, I at least feel I have some tools I can impart on them and can truly empathize and understand where they are coming from. Instead of being mad when Adeline is having a total meltdown, I pull out my lovely therapist tools, take a deep breath or two and usually approach her with understanding and compassion, as she may not know what caused the outburst either, she just realizes that she may not have control of her emotions right then.

I am interested to see how Monday's appointment for Carson goes. I am always leery of new medical providers, but at least I am armed with education.

My Achen' Back

My back seems worse today. There was a glimmer of light yesterday that it was feeling better, but not this morning.

Maybe my back was somewhat reacting to a 4 year old having a total meltdown over wearing a long sleeve shirt, screaming that she wants to be cold!

In all reality though, I just don't have time for this back pain. I was rendered useless to my standards yesterday in getting my house picked up. I managed laundry and getting Carson's homework done with him (while having to stand every 2 minutes to get myself comfortable) and had a miserable time sitting at the hospital where my father has been in residence for the last 2 1/2 days.

But maybe all the action of taking kids to school, parent conferences, hospital visits and violin lessons today will keep me from being allowed to wallow in self pity that my back hurts.

I am Old

There is no denying it now, I am old.

I know my memory is going downhill, my arms are flabby and my boobs sag when unaided, but yesterdays event left no question in my mind that I am old.

I sat down on the toilet and pulled my back.

Yep, you heard me right. I sat down and pulled my back.

I was at work and had just seen my first client, went to have a quick potty break and was miserable the whole day. Because of my little back incident, I could not sit in my chair comfortably or even on the floor with my clients. 7 clients like this. I was miserable!

I took some Advil (after 3 hours of sitting at the hospital with my dad) and sprayed some magic back spray on my back that my sister provided and tried to get comfortable all night long.

I am sure the "Old People" club will be putting my membership card in the mail on Monday.

Not a Joke

So, it started off as a joke, then I gave it some real consideration, and now it is a reality. We are spending Thanksgiving in Disneyland. We will be at the "happiest place on earth" with a bunch of other like minded people who would rather forget there is a family holiday too.

My mom has been stressing for weeks over the holiday, why I am not sure. Its not like I am inviting my dad and his new wife over at the same time. Give me some credit, I know better then that. My dad is asking of our plans so he can plan with his new additional family, and my sister's husband will take off for parts unknown to go back country skiing. In trying to figure out the impossible, how to make everyone happy, or at least satisfied, I opted for Disneyland.

We were planning a Christmas Disney trip and the more I thought about it the better Thanksgiving sounded at Disneyland. No stressing about ordering food, picking it up, cleaning the house, entertaining family, arguments over how much turkey a kid must eat to have pie, and clean up (plus, the whole family drama mentioned above).

Instead, we will walk into that great restaurant by Tommorrow Land and buffet style, have our turkey dinner.

Halloween

Halloween was fun, and the kids had a great time...... but I am glad it is over.

The scary "bad" witch......




Obi Wan Kenobi from Star Wars and The Bad Glitter Witch....


Extra yummy, homemade caramel apples....


Scary animated trick or treat house

Now on the Thanksgiving. Let the stress begin. It will be the first year that our family will have two separate holidays. Maybe we should order pizza and forget about the whole holiday, or as a friend suggested, just go to Disneyland. Hmmmmmm

Sick as a Dog

My poor husband has been sick as a dog. He rarely gets sick but when he does, he does. Before he even started vomiting he felt dehydrated so at 7:30 at night I called 4 urgent cares and none were open. I also drove by another that was closed. So up to the ER we went. 2 bags of fluid, and 2 episodes of vomiting later (buckets full I tell you) they sent us on our way.

The next morning he was up and on the couch so we went upon our day and he managed to hardly get out of bed. It is the same thing today, although he is easier to arouse. Hope this bug leaves soon and manages not to stay at our house long. My little asthmatics are having a hard enough time this time of year without the help of any viral bug.

Miss it

I was gone for 4 days and worked both ends of those days and have had time for zero blogging. I have missed my blog. Now it is a matter of what to post first. My dad's mini mansion that I got to tour, the dance show my niece was in where my father, his new wife and his first ex wife and her significant other, my sister and sister in law all in the same row in the audience together, if that is not whacked out.

I could also re- tell the day of my total mother ineptness where I let my daughter go to school with a hole in her sock (luckily she did not broadcast that to the whole preschool), and could share why I should learn to follow my instincts and trust my assessments.

But, at this time I am too tired and want to go to bed. Maybe tomorrow.

Gone

I have been gone for 4 days, seems like way more. Off to work for 3 days but will blog about the trip soon.

Close Enough Right?

My son's school called this morning, and the nurse had this long winded monologue about looking at my son's health records and finding that with his asthma inhaler, he did not have the outer box from the pharmacy that had his name and prescription label.

"Is Carson in the office now?" I asked, this started the monologue over again, although this time she added that without the outer box they would not be able to give him his inhaler. Again, I asked, "is he in your office, does he need his inhaler now?" She replied no, he is not in the office I just have to bring in the pharmacy box.

O.K. I get it, I need to bring in the pharmacy box. So I called the pharmacy and his prescription was out of date by 7 days. I called the pediatric lung specialist to make an appointment and the doctor is doing hospital rounds for the month, but I could make an appointment with the physician assistant in November.

This was not going to work. I luckily have the ability to call my now retired dad, who is a doctor, and explained my dilemma and asked if he would call in the prescription for Carson's inhalers. Funny enough, I have 2 brand new inhalers that have not even been opened, just don't have the outer box, so I only need this prescription for the purpose of the outer box.

As I was rattling off the names of the 2 inhalers and the directions of 2 puffs every 4 hours as needed for cough, wheezing or shortness of breath, I even had the pharmacy phone number handy for him, I thought I really had it together.

Two minutes later he called me and said, "I need to clarify with you, it was Flovent you needed, not Flomax, right?" Yes I said not thinking anything of it. Well, he got a good laugh at my expense. Flomax is for an enlarged prostate and Flovent is a lung inhaler. Easy mistake right? Flomax, Flovent? Hopefully other stressed out mother's, trying to do this in the car while trying to drive to violin lesson and being interrupted by two crisis work calls could make the same mistake. Right????

Typical

Twas a typical family birthday party/get together.

It was Michael's big 40th and since an Alaskan cruise was not in the budget, he decided he wanted to celebrate his momentous occasion at Chuck E. Cheese.

We made our way into "The Cheese," dealt with the mob of people, all to have horrible pizza and spend way to much money on tokens that earned us 3 plastic lizards, 1 plastic frog and a cheap launcher that keeps falling apart. And by the way, who takes a new born baby to Chuck E. Cheese??

After visiting "The Cheese" we headed home for cake. Our dog was a total pain and would not stop climbing on my husband or brother in law. The baby Mastiff puppy (at 130 pounds) ran up the stairs to find the cats, oh and by the way, he does not like to climb down the stairs without a huge push from the top. We had a cake with no candles, as Adeline was nice enough to inform me of and Nana had the pissed off look because Carson could not remember Happy Birthday on his violin.

End and middle sections of the cake seemed to be of huge importance, soda's were spilled and at then end, when I thought all was quite, Nana walks back in the house because she cannot find her cell phone. A hunt in our house, her car and our yard turned up nothing, but alas the phone was ringing under the back seats of our car.

All this had been just a little too much stimulation for my ADHD husband and he disappeared into his math books.

We are birthday safe for another 2 weeks, then I am only assuming we will have a repeat of tonight, minus Chuck E. Cheese.

Loosing It

I used to have all the patience in the world. It was one of my greatest, or the greatest virtue I possessed. I could handle screaming kids, rude sales people, and a plethora of other daily annoyances and remain cool and level headed. In the last few years my patience level has tappered off, and of recent, become very limited.

Here are what I could have handled a year ago, but seem less able to cope with:

Being interrupted when I am trying to have a conversation, especially when it is an adult interrupting

Worker talking while they are trying to take my order, or talking when they should be taking my order

Crying kids at a restaurant, when I do not have my own with me

People who feel entitled and don't have to follow the rules like the rest of the population

Parent who want someone else to "fix" their child, or educate their child but do not want to do any of the work

Parents who refuse to parent, no one ever said it would be easy, or convenient

Horribly behaved children, they are taking away valuable time of my child's

And the list could go on, but I think this hits the highlights.

I often wonder if it is really that my patience level is dropping, or is society as a whole changing; and I am not coping and adjusting to a changing society.

Cooking

I don't like to cook, no, I really, really, don't like to cook. I dread it, I don't like tying to put a menu and a meal together which is probably my biggest battle with cooking.

Last week my husband and I were talking and it came to be that he was going to pre-prepare a few meals a week so all I would have to do is re heat them. No thinking, no preparing, no nothing. So this week, we have come home to a meal a day all prepared, even with a cute note on top of the night's dinner.

During this cook fest of my husbands, he texts me a couple different times to tell me how much he is enjoying cooking and how therapeutic it is. Cooking........ fun, therapeutic? Whatever works for ya. Just so happy to not have to do it for a while.

Good Bye Cable

In an attempt to cut down on some household expenses, I was throwing around the idea of getting rid of our cable TV. In all reality it was only used for watching Cartoon Network and Sponge Bob. My husband does not watch TV, and I have given up watching the morning news cast in order to keep up with all the blogs I have become addicted to.

When I paid our last bill, I really thought, "I am paying this for Sponge Bob and Cartoon Network?" It was on my list of "to do's," cancel cable. Well, that was on the list for over two weeks.

Then one afternoon when I was having Adeline try on a pair of hand me down jeans, Carson said something about them being "skinny jeans." Shocked I said "where did you hear that?" "TV he replied."

Within two hours, the cable was shut off, the next day the cable company came for their cable box and remote.

The next day I was asked why we could not get Cartoon Network on the TV, explained I got rid of cable TV, and guess how often they feel the need to ask about TV now? None. Funny how they have found other ways to occupy their time.

Overwhelmed

It was a day of feeling overwhelmed. I was up at 6 this morning to be out of the house to go to work for a few hours before Adeline woke up. Once she is up it is cling on mom time so I won't go to work.

Completed my few hours of work and came home and scrubbed my dad's car upholstery since milk was spilt in his car and had slithered its way down under the seats. I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed. I can say without question, there is no worse smell then fermenting milk in 100 degree weather.

We then headed off to see the movie Legends of the Guardian even though I needed to get so much done. This was certainly not a kid movie, a little on the violent side.

Helping a 6 year old do homework, need not say more, and an all out family hunt for my car keys so we could run out to Walmart to get bread and milk for the week and poster board for school project.

The car keys happened to be left in the car, which I was airing out because of the awful smell. Good thing its a pretty safe neighborhood.

Dinner, work on project, laundry, dishes and a massive headache.

But as overwhelmed as I felt, at least I did not have to roll hand made meatballs like poor Mrs. S. :)!

Talent

Carson told me he did not want a talent.

But let me back track a few minutes before this statement. He had come home from school tired, ate dinner just got started playing with his new Bayblades and it was time to head to violin group class.

Here is how our conversation progressed:

"Why did you sign me up for group class mom?"

"Because it helps you to review your songs and learn to play with a group and increase your technique and violin playing abilities."

"I don't want to play the violin"

"It is your talent, I said"

"Sister does not have a talent"

"Yes she does, she goes to two different dance classes"

"Why do I have to have a talent, I want to play with Chris every night"

Here is where I broke out in my dissertation of the importance of having a talent and something to work toward, character building etc. I reminded him of all the teenagers who hang out at the neighborhood park and take all the play equipment so young kids do not have an opportunity to play on it. Most of the time the teenagers are destroying the swings, and using very, horribly offensive language, that I have on occasion told them to stop, and have oft time left the park. Anyway, I told Carson, "You are not going to be one of those kids."

Needless to say, we made it to violin class. He finished class and was telling his friend he is finishing book one and taking his book exam.

The next night he decided to play a few songs for Aunt Di's dog Bruno, who really seemed to enjoy it!

So, for now, the talent remains.

Dear Clients

To My Nine Little Clients,

I want to apologize last Saturday for not giving you my all. I was just exhausted. You deserve more than an exhausted therapist, and I realize that. After five clients in a row and a crisis in between, clients 6-9, I feel you got a low standard therapist.

The health care company is part to blame for the rapid secession in which we are scheduled. This leading to my total mental exhaustion with one client after another with no break.

I have so many ideas I would like to implement in session, but I have what feels like such time constraints on each therapy session.

I will continue to do my best to give you a quality therapy session, as that is what you are entitled too. I take children's mental health very seriously, which sub standard care just is not acceptable or within my morals and ethics. But, if I leave this company, my heart will ache for all of you young children that do not have other alternatives. It's you clients who keep me motivated to give my all in every session.

Pile o' Laundry

This is what happens when I do not get laundry finished before I start work. Guess what our family is doing today? Yep, putting laundry away, oh and shopping for a dishwasher.

Exhausted

I always hear about celebrities who get admitted to the hospital for exhaustion. Are non celebrities allowed such a thing? I am sure the average person could not afford a hospital night stay (and one hospital night will not eliminate the exhaustion), but some days it sounds really good. At very low times a night in jail sounds good too. 3 hots and a cot, and a day with no responsibility.

Here is to hoping my energy level improves as I get to start my "real" work week.

Den Mother Status

Adeline tracking Papa's flight home on the computer


Every family has a particular dynamic. The dynamic is like a child's mobile, it goes round and round and has a sense of equilibrium. Every family member has their place and function that keeps this "mobile" functioning. For me, my place is den mother.

When my dad eloped and the shock of this news wore off, I have to say that I was relieved. I was relieved in the fact that if I did not hear from him, it would not be me who would have to call the police and go over to his house to make a welfare check and find him dead. I know, it is a very morbid thought, but with dad being 76, living alone and what I thought was me being his most consistent person to check on him, this was a reality. Now that he is married, he has a constant check- in person, and I can take weekly dad check -in calls off my den mother plate.

It is now his wife that will inherit everything, from personal house belongings, to bank accounts to property. She will share and distribute as she sees fit, if at all. It will leave no arguing between dad's 6 kids. I will not have to help facilitate conversations from sisters and brothers and negotiate with everyone what is fair. Check that responsibility off my den mother plate.

During my visit last night with my dad and wife, we were talking about their upcoming trip. How was it that I was asked to be a chauffeur to the airport? I have always been dad's chauffeur to the airport for his multiple trips to and from the airport. Late at night, early in the morning, I would drag the kids with me to see him off or greet him back to town. But with the new wife having 3 children in the area, I was asked for transportation. Well, that was short lived, guess my den mother status is back in place.

The Storm

The storm Carol was down graded from a hurricane to a tropical depression. What a relief that we escaped mass chaos and irreplaceable damage. By no stretch do I think the storm is over forever, because it will brew again over time, but we made it through the first round unscathed!

Here is a little summary of meeting dad's new wife.

The meeting place is our house and they came early. EARLY! My dad has never been early in his life! I tell him family functions start 30 minutes earlier just so he will be half way on time. For him to be early, I don't think that has ever happened.

We made the rounds of polite introductions and so impressed with my little Carson. He shook her had, totally unprompted, and it was "Miss Carol" all throughout dinner when he wanted to address her. Love this boy!!

After some awkwardness Carson decided to play a little violin concert which was great for breaking up the nervousness in the air.

After some family confusion or where to be, what meeting place, my sister, her husband and the rest of us made it to the restaurant. If there was not some bit of confusion it would not be a family event. Welcome to the family Carol! Anyhow, I sat to the right of Carol during dinner, she really did not ask much, hopefully she is not getting her information from dad, he is not a good source of accurate information. My dad could tell you what college degree I have, but what I do on a daily basis for work, he has no clue.

I had a few direct questions during dinner, which totally blew my sister away. I figured this was a meet and greet, the cat was out of the bag per say, so there was nothing really off limits. I was very tactful, it was more questions like seeing the rings and knowing where they were going to live etc. The rest I really don't want to know about.

We left the restaurant and said our goodbye's, again Carson shaking her hand and told her "see you soon Miss Carol."

Children's Mental Health

As a child psychotherapist working for a private agency, the bottom line of all treatment is money. The insurance companies bottom line is money.

My particular agency, and many insurance companies are moving towards "brief therapy," teaching people how to fix their lives in three sessions. At six sessions a revised treatment plan is necessitated, and a justification for every therapeutic approach, and outcome is required.

Maybe, just maybe, a therapist would be able to educate and teach an adult coping skills that they could apply to many aspects of their life. It would not help to resolve numerous deep rooted emotional issues but it would be a launching point for them to continue to apply their coping skills at home in their daily lives.

With children, I believe it is a whole other story. At 6 years old, I do not think in three sessions they have the capacity to learn coping skills to apply to their lives. The have limited experiences to draw from and would certainly benefit from more therapy and processing time. If a 6 year old is needing to see a therapist, the problems at home and school must be great to necessitate this type of intervention. Some of the time it is the parents who are causing their child's issues. Alcoholic parents who neglect their children, severe cases of child abuse, nasty divorce proceedings to name a few. So can I fix a child in three sessions? I don't think so. Can I just wave my magic wand and fix them? I wish, but I am afraid not.

Insurance companies, could your executives forgo their yachts this year, maybe give up the Cape Cod beach house? Is there really a monetary price when it comes to a child's mental health? When my office may be the only sane and safe place, a refuse of sorts, why take that away from them?

The Week in Review, Storm C Brewing

The week, for all of its change was pretty smooth.

Carson started the second grade, geez, where did that time go? It feels like yesterday I was walking him to kindergarten. He had his same homeroom teacher as last year, and many of his friends were in his class. It felt like just an extension of last school year (minus the distracting, misbehaved kids, yeah!).

Adeline started preschool and was excited to see her old teachers from last year. She does not understand why they moved her cubbie this year, and has asked for me to stay in the car and wait for her while she is at preschool. I say I will for a little bit, then use the excuse that I will have to leave the school parking lot to use the restroom of course. She replies with the fact that I should take my bladder medicine so I don't have to urinate all the time. By then she is in school, has gone to her new cubbie and is happily playing.

I went to work as regularly scheduled. I found by Thursday I was missing Carson being at school all day and since I was working my evening shift, I would not see him till 8:30 that night. It was obviously more difficult for me then him.

For all the calmness of this last week, I am anticipating tornado like chaos this week. My sister and my family are going out to dinner so our families can meet my dad's new wife. Yes, you heard that correctly, his new wife. At 76 he has decided to re marry, we did not even know he was dating and they "eloped" to the courthouse and were married a month before he decided to let us know of his new martial status. The tornado will start when we let my extremely emotionally volatile mom (the second ex-wife) know of this change in status (my dad's first ex wife already knows and has had her hissy). As an ex, why should my mom care? Well, this new wife has a little history with our family that was not that pleasant, plus second ex wife has fuzzy relationship boundaries, she blows everything out of proportion, and somehow takes everything personally, and only see how it effects her.

This storm I will name Carol, we shall see how the wind progresses and what damage is done at the end of it all.

My Husband

As I was waiting on the chaotic school yard playground this morning with my children my husband texts me.

"Hey love, is it cold outside?"

I reply, "How did it feel when you stuck your hand out the patio door to feel?"

"Not a good gauge because the air gets trapped between the inside air and the outside air which causes a mini stagnant atmosphere within the range of my hands reach."

Really, wouldn't it have just been easier to step outside in your boxers and feel for yourself instead of such an elaborate response, or realize it is still summer in the desert? So gotta love ADD thinking.

Beach Day

Carson and Adeline at La Jolla Cove
Adeline happy at the beach
Ballet at the beach, doesn't everyone do an arabesque at the beach?
My boy and his long eyelashes
The beach, the beach, yeah!!!


Before I was interrupted with my husband and birthday post, I was re -living our vacation. What is a California vacation without a trip to the beach? As a child we never visited the beach. It was not until I was a teenager that I had actually been to a beach. I was sure not going to let that experience slip by my kids.

We took off for the beach in the late afternoon so I could get pictures at sunset. Before we even left the house my mother got all anxious about what to wear to the beach, were we going to get wet, and a host of other questions (hence the reason we never went to the beach as kids, totally out of her comfort zone). With Nana calmed down, we made it to a beautiful area with waves and rocks.

Carson jumped right in the water having a grand time. The first wave that hit Adeline she screamed and started jumping around. When she finally composed herself, she told me she did not like this dirty beach! She was not a fan of the kelp tangling up on her legs, so she stayed on shore and built sand castles.

Mid way through this beach excursion I ran up to the car to get snacks, and got a "crisis" call from my sister in Utah. Our dad had sprung the news to her that he was married, of course we did not even know he was dating, let alone married (the 70 year old's eloped. I was told the news 3 days earlier and sworn to secrecy so my dad could share the news in person to all his kids) and to top it off they were driving to his new mini castle, his new half a million dollar home in Utah, over looking the Salt Lake mountains, and the Draper Temple. Oh, of course, no one knew he bought this house over 6 months ago. Talk about shocker!! This is a whole story to tell at another time.

I helped to calm the crisis both with my sister on the phone, and with the hungry kids on the beach. I decided to venture off on the beautiful rocks of the cove, having a fantastic time snapping pictures right and left of my son, when the next thing I know, I am flat on my tush, blood coming from my toes and two little puncture wounds on my knee. But despite the fall I saved the camera, toes come and go, but a good camera is a horrible thing to break!

Wounds patched up, I was almost ready to call and end to this beach trip. As we were debating the fact of leaving, a beach photo shoot came and started to display their mostly naked bodies on the beach next to us. The man taking one shot after the next of a bikini clad lady hugging a surf board. This display went on for a bit, the camera man laid in the sand and was pointing the camera up, when my mom, a little 76 year old red head, says out loud, "What is he doing? There should be no reason for his camera to be there unless he is taking a picture of her vagina! This is porn if I have ever seen it."

With that, the beach trip abruptly came to an end. But I did get great pictures of the kids at the beach!

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday to me,

happy birthday to me,

happy birthday.......

Is it OK just not to celebrate my birthday this year? It has historically never been a wonderful time for me. In my younger years, school had not started, so I did not have big class parties. As I got older school always started right around my birthday, or on my birthday. Happy Birthday, you get to go back to school! Then as an adult, I just don't know, it has never been memorable.

This years birthday is marked with family chaos. When I was asked a week ago by my sister what kind of cake I wanted her to make for me, I suggested spice cake, thinking of the box cake mix for $2.99.

Well, mom took that out of the ball park and made all these calls to local bakeries to find spice cake. Nonetheless to bakeries that make specialty cakes that cost half her social security pay check. Apologetically, she tells me no one makes spice cake until the fall around Halloween. So she did finally resort to the box mix and picked up all the ingredients apparently thinking my sister may or may not make the cake. Of course, this made my sister quite upset as she had already stated she would make the cake. That is her specialty. My kids get excited every year that Aunt Di makes them a special birthday cake.

Needless to say, the cake has turned out to be an issue, my dad has brought a host of issues to the family dynamic, and has not called to see if there are any birthday plans, and I have to work all day. Really, in the end, I just don't feel much like celebrating, it will be marred with stress.

In Between

Just an in between vacation post.

My husband said to me this morning,

"What are you guys doing today?" I reply, "going to work this afternoon. It is Thursday."

Does he forget where the other half of our income comes from? Oh ya he would since I handle the bills.

Legoland

Carson and Adeline fighting some Bionicle

Don't eat my kiddos Mr. Shark!

Carson and Adeline Knights

Jousting

Darth Vader

Legoland was a blast! It was our first time visiting the park, and boy, was it well worth it. The first sighting at the park was Darth Vader and Batman as well as a few Bionicles. Does it get any better then that for a 7 year old boy? We also found a beautiful princess for Adeline and plenty of Knights and jousting.

We were able to cool off at Pirate Shores and have some fun on the pirate water ship and boats. For even more water we went into the new water park inside Legoland. Pretty fun, except the one set of slides were too big for my kiddos and the smaller water slide features were closed.

After the water we were off to more areas that I cannot even remember their names. We literally were at Legoland from the time it opened to the time it closed. Fabulous day!!!

Wild Animal Park

Nana on the hot air balloon
view of San Pasquale Valley
view of San Pasquale Valley
hot air balloon

I remember the Wild Animal Park from my childhood. It seemed like we went every year during my elementary school years. Now with my kids in tow we packed our water, sunscreen and hats and took off to see the roaming animals.

The highlights and low lights of the Wild Animal Park day are as follows:

Low lights:

people trying to park their cars were rude

my kids wanted to be pushed all day in the stroller up hill

the gorillas were not out

they took out the old tram that took you around the park and it is now driven by huge truck fronts pulling seated trailers.

you could take almost a true like safari down in the open areas of the park, but my kids were too young, and it cost $90 per person.

I wanted to do the flight swing but of course, that again was between $90-120. Not in the budget this trip.

had to pay for duck food, bird juice and whatever they could nickle and dime you for

Well, with that rant are you sure I found any good?

I did.

My mom and I rode up in a huge hot air balloon over 400 feet up and had the most spectacular view of the San Pasquale Valley. It was amazing! All for the bargain price of $20 (good thing my kiddos did not want to go, that would have been $60!).

they put in an elevator to eliminate a extremely difficult up hill climb.