Good Bye Cable

In an attempt to cut down on some household expenses, I was throwing around the idea of getting rid of our cable TV. In all reality it was only used for watching Cartoon Network and Sponge Bob. My husband does not watch TV, and I have given up watching the morning news cast in order to keep up with all the blogs I have become addicted to.

When I paid our last bill, I really thought, "I am paying this for Sponge Bob and Cartoon Network?" It was on my list of "to do's," cancel cable. Well, that was on the list for over two weeks.

Then one afternoon when I was having Adeline try on a pair of hand me down jeans, Carson said something about them being "skinny jeans." Shocked I said "where did you hear that?" "TV he replied."

Within two hours, the cable was shut off, the next day the cable company came for their cable box and remote.

The next day I was asked why we could not get Cartoon Network on the TV, explained I got rid of cable TV, and guess how often they feel the need to ask about TV now? None. Funny how they have found other ways to occupy their time.

Overwhelmed

It was a day of feeling overwhelmed. I was up at 6 this morning to be out of the house to go to work for a few hours before Adeline woke up. Once she is up it is cling on mom time so I won't go to work.

Completed my few hours of work and came home and scrubbed my dad's car upholstery since milk was spilt in his car and had slithered its way down under the seats. I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed. I can say without question, there is no worse smell then fermenting milk in 100 degree weather.

We then headed off to see the movie Legends of the Guardian even though I needed to get so much done. This was certainly not a kid movie, a little on the violent side.

Helping a 6 year old do homework, need not say more, and an all out family hunt for my car keys so we could run out to Walmart to get bread and milk for the week and poster board for school project.

The car keys happened to be left in the car, which I was airing out because of the awful smell. Good thing its a pretty safe neighborhood.

Dinner, work on project, laundry, dishes and a massive headache.

But as overwhelmed as I felt, at least I did not have to roll hand made meatballs like poor Mrs. S. :)!

Talent

Carson told me he did not want a talent.

But let me back track a few minutes before this statement. He had come home from school tired, ate dinner just got started playing with his new Bayblades and it was time to head to violin group class.

Here is how our conversation progressed:

"Why did you sign me up for group class mom?"

"Because it helps you to review your songs and learn to play with a group and increase your technique and violin playing abilities."

"I don't want to play the violin"

"It is your talent, I said"

"Sister does not have a talent"

"Yes she does, she goes to two different dance classes"

"Why do I have to have a talent, I want to play with Chris every night"

Here is where I broke out in my dissertation of the importance of having a talent and something to work toward, character building etc. I reminded him of all the teenagers who hang out at the neighborhood park and take all the play equipment so young kids do not have an opportunity to play on it. Most of the time the teenagers are destroying the swings, and using very, horribly offensive language, that I have on occasion told them to stop, and have oft time left the park. Anyway, I told Carson, "You are not going to be one of those kids."

Needless to say, we made it to violin class. He finished class and was telling his friend he is finishing book one and taking his book exam.

The next night he decided to play a few songs for Aunt Di's dog Bruno, who really seemed to enjoy it!

So, for now, the talent remains.

Dear Clients

To My Nine Little Clients,

I want to apologize last Saturday for not giving you my all. I was just exhausted. You deserve more than an exhausted therapist, and I realize that. After five clients in a row and a crisis in between, clients 6-9, I feel you got a low standard therapist.

The health care company is part to blame for the rapid secession in which we are scheduled. This leading to my total mental exhaustion with one client after another with no break.

I have so many ideas I would like to implement in session, but I have what feels like such time constraints on each therapy session.

I will continue to do my best to give you a quality therapy session, as that is what you are entitled too. I take children's mental health very seriously, which sub standard care just is not acceptable or within my morals and ethics. But, if I leave this company, my heart will ache for all of you young children that do not have other alternatives. It's you clients who keep me motivated to give my all in every session.

Pile o' Laundry

This is what happens when I do not get laundry finished before I start work. Guess what our family is doing today? Yep, putting laundry away, oh and shopping for a dishwasher.

Exhausted

I always hear about celebrities who get admitted to the hospital for exhaustion. Are non celebrities allowed such a thing? I am sure the average person could not afford a hospital night stay (and one hospital night will not eliminate the exhaustion), but some days it sounds really good. At very low times a night in jail sounds good too. 3 hots and a cot, and a day with no responsibility.

Here is to hoping my energy level improves as I get to start my "real" work week.

Den Mother Status

Adeline tracking Papa's flight home on the computer


Every family has a particular dynamic. The dynamic is like a child's mobile, it goes round and round and has a sense of equilibrium. Every family member has their place and function that keeps this "mobile" functioning. For me, my place is den mother.

When my dad eloped and the shock of this news wore off, I have to say that I was relieved. I was relieved in the fact that if I did not hear from him, it would not be me who would have to call the police and go over to his house to make a welfare check and find him dead. I know, it is a very morbid thought, but with dad being 76, living alone and what I thought was me being his most consistent person to check on him, this was a reality. Now that he is married, he has a constant check- in person, and I can take weekly dad check -in calls off my den mother plate.

It is now his wife that will inherit everything, from personal house belongings, to bank accounts to property. She will share and distribute as she sees fit, if at all. It will leave no arguing between dad's 6 kids. I will not have to help facilitate conversations from sisters and brothers and negotiate with everyone what is fair. Check that responsibility off my den mother plate.

During my visit last night with my dad and wife, we were talking about their upcoming trip. How was it that I was asked to be a chauffeur to the airport? I have always been dad's chauffeur to the airport for his multiple trips to and from the airport. Late at night, early in the morning, I would drag the kids with me to see him off or greet him back to town. But with the new wife having 3 children in the area, I was asked for transportation. Well, that was short lived, guess my den mother status is back in place.

The Storm

The storm Carol was down graded from a hurricane to a tropical depression. What a relief that we escaped mass chaos and irreplaceable damage. By no stretch do I think the storm is over forever, because it will brew again over time, but we made it through the first round unscathed!

Here is a little summary of meeting dad's new wife.

The meeting place is our house and they came early. EARLY! My dad has never been early in his life! I tell him family functions start 30 minutes earlier just so he will be half way on time. For him to be early, I don't think that has ever happened.

We made the rounds of polite introductions and so impressed with my little Carson. He shook her had, totally unprompted, and it was "Miss Carol" all throughout dinner when he wanted to address her. Love this boy!!

After some awkwardness Carson decided to play a little violin concert which was great for breaking up the nervousness in the air.

After some family confusion or where to be, what meeting place, my sister, her husband and the rest of us made it to the restaurant. If there was not some bit of confusion it would not be a family event. Welcome to the family Carol! Anyhow, I sat to the right of Carol during dinner, she really did not ask much, hopefully she is not getting her information from dad, he is not a good source of accurate information. My dad could tell you what college degree I have, but what I do on a daily basis for work, he has no clue.

I had a few direct questions during dinner, which totally blew my sister away. I figured this was a meet and greet, the cat was out of the bag per say, so there was nothing really off limits. I was very tactful, it was more questions like seeing the rings and knowing where they were going to live etc. The rest I really don't want to know about.

We left the restaurant and said our goodbye's, again Carson shaking her hand and told her "see you soon Miss Carol."

Children's Mental Health

As a child psychotherapist working for a private agency, the bottom line of all treatment is money. The insurance companies bottom line is money.

My particular agency, and many insurance companies are moving towards "brief therapy," teaching people how to fix their lives in three sessions. At six sessions a revised treatment plan is necessitated, and a justification for every therapeutic approach, and outcome is required.

Maybe, just maybe, a therapist would be able to educate and teach an adult coping skills that they could apply to many aspects of their life. It would not help to resolve numerous deep rooted emotional issues but it would be a launching point for them to continue to apply their coping skills at home in their daily lives.

With children, I believe it is a whole other story. At 6 years old, I do not think in three sessions they have the capacity to learn coping skills to apply to their lives. The have limited experiences to draw from and would certainly benefit from more therapy and processing time. If a 6 year old is needing to see a therapist, the problems at home and school must be great to necessitate this type of intervention. Some of the time it is the parents who are causing their child's issues. Alcoholic parents who neglect their children, severe cases of child abuse, nasty divorce proceedings to name a few. So can I fix a child in three sessions? I don't think so. Can I just wave my magic wand and fix them? I wish, but I am afraid not.

Insurance companies, could your executives forgo their yachts this year, maybe give up the Cape Cod beach house? Is there really a monetary price when it comes to a child's mental health? When my office may be the only sane and safe place, a refuse of sorts, why take that away from them?

The Week in Review, Storm C Brewing

The week, for all of its change was pretty smooth.

Carson started the second grade, geez, where did that time go? It feels like yesterday I was walking him to kindergarten. He had his same homeroom teacher as last year, and many of his friends were in his class. It felt like just an extension of last school year (minus the distracting, misbehaved kids, yeah!).

Adeline started preschool and was excited to see her old teachers from last year. She does not understand why they moved her cubbie this year, and has asked for me to stay in the car and wait for her while she is at preschool. I say I will for a little bit, then use the excuse that I will have to leave the school parking lot to use the restroom of course. She replies with the fact that I should take my bladder medicine so I don't have to urinate all the time. By then she is in school, has gone to her new cubbie and is happily playing.

I went to work as regularly scheduled. I found by Thursday I was missing Carson being at school all day and since I was working my evening shift, I would not see him till 8:30 that night. It was obviously more difficult for me then him.

For all the calmness of this last week, I am anticipating tornado like chaos this week. My sister and my family are going out to dinner so our families can meet my dad's new wife. Yes, you heard that correctly, his new wife. At 76 he has decided to re marry, we did not even know he was dating and they "eloped" to the courthouse and were married a month before he decided to let us know of his new martial status. The tornado will start when we let my extremely emotionally volatile mom (the second ex-wife) know of this change in status (my dad's first ex wife already knows and has had her hissy). As an ex, why should my mom care? Well, this new wife has a little history with our family that was not that pleasant, plus second ex wife has fuzzy relationship boundaries, she blows everything out of proportion, and somehow takes everything personally, and only see how it effects her.

This storm I will name Carol, we shall see how the wind progresses and what damage is done at the end of it all.

My Husband

As I was waiting on the chaotic school yard playground this morning with my children my husband texts me.

"Hey love, is it cold outside?"

I reply, "How did it feel when you stuck your hand out the patio door to feel?"

"Not a good gauge because the air gets trapped between the inside air and the outside air which causes a mini stagnant atmosphere within the range of my hands reach."

Really, wouldn't it have just been easier to step outside in your boxers and feel for yourself instead of such an elaborate response, or realize it is still summer in the desert? So gotta love ADD thinking.